Final Poem

My hands are shaking, my mind is throbbing,

I don't know this feeling, but I doubt it's promising;

Leave me alone, stay beside me,

Without you, the starry night seemed to be lonely than they used to be;

What should I pick?

Hope you're gone, hope you'll stay,

I never knew why, I could never say.

'Be balanced,' they often advise,

'I can't,' though I really want to compromise;

Give it all up, or take it all in,

How can I fix this mess if I, myself, can't fix the havoc within?

Oh, if there's a God, what the fuck did you do to me?

I'm a complete disaster,

Only dealing shits with laughter.

I hated my mask, but never once I decided to throw it away,

Before I was numb, and then it became my everyday;

Boring childhood, boring life,

Then when I met you, everything turned bright;

You're the colors I never knew existed;

You seemed gloomy and down from afar,

But when I'm near you, you seemed like my morning star.

Who knew we'll end up like this?

A tortuous tale that ceased to exist;

We gain more pain than we could embrace,

We're a living paradox and that's our case;

There's no balance in us,

Separation may kill us instantly,

But so does connection and it's a pity.

This turned into a real deep shit, bro,

Or maybe it's not? Neh, I don't really know;

I deny, deny, and deny that I can feel,

Cause for me I'm not worth it, and is no big deal;

Just fucking throw me like a blade I am,

I only give you sufferings as you hold on tight,

Go on and give it a shot, hope one time you're no longer bleeding at night.

I'm a chicken,

Hate to admit the fact that you got me weakened;

Being flawed used to be normal,

So tell me, who are you? Who are you that you turned me into a scared animal?

I wanted to be with you, but I hate to confess that I am not good enough;

I'm reckless, childish and lawless,

Only you made me quiet behaved and gentle none the less.

Is this still the me that I used to be?

Or is this just a piece of mangled mess hanging from my twisted sanity?

Wish you're here, wish you'll stay,

But the game's finally over and I can only replay,

Both the good old days, so is those meant to be forgotten;

I finally admit that my life's a complete contradiction,

Didn't even know where's my path, can't even make my own decision.

Always feeling empty and missing like… a million pieces inside,

When I talk to you, I feel like I have never been this alive;

The voices behind my ear told me to conceal,

Now I don't know which one of the 'me's' is real;

Hope our twisted story to be gone, never to come back,

May this be my first and last poem before anything can change our fate

After all we’d been through, we both knew, it’s already too late

-P.L.S.S.